“Born” sensitive to power, the young Eight looks around their world and naturally sees a lot of misuse and distortion of power.

But how can a child sensitive to power, to things being strong and just, do anything about creating a proper use of power in the world they are born into?

For every type on the Enneagram, it is important to understand that this is the original dilemma – we want to create a certain quality through the personality, and this is mission impossible.

Eights are children with big energy- and this is often something that parents are uncomfortable with and try to control. Given a good outlet for their energy and attuned parenting, Eights may grow up with healthy guidance and learn how to channel and use their natural strength. However, most often adults try to suppress and control the young Eight who may have trouble sitting still in school, being gentle with other children and controlling their temper. Even worse, many Eights have experienced abuse as children- they have memories of being overpowered or violated in some way. Whether it is literally true that the child was somehow abused or simply that the usual training to behave felt like being overpowered, the Eight child reacts by trying to be strong. The sensitivity to power comes out in a fighting spirit- they will not be easily controlled even as children. 

Eights generally have a feeling that they have been betrayed at some point early in life. Again, this may be actual harm they have suffered, or their interpretation of the sort of control and punishment usually imposed on children as they are disciplined and conditioned. The sense of betrayal and violation underlies the growing use of the Eights natural strength and power- they begin to believe they must fight to survive. This becomes an underlying worldview and sense that “life is a jungle”.

A person cannot create the essence they are sensitive to in the world. The essence already exists, and it is not the job of the person to create it- but we don’t understand this. Because we can’t actually create this essence at the level of personality, there is a twist or distortion that occurs.

The fundamental distortion of the Eight personality is that their natural strength becomes focused on a battle for control over their world, other people, and external circumstances. They begin to assert themselves and push against the world to counteract the fear that they will be overpowered, violated or betrayed. They may in fact have had to deal with harmful situations in their lives, so in this sense it is a legitimate feeling that they must fight to survive. But the impact is that they can never let their guard down even if the situation does not require them to defend themselves. The need to be strong and always in control becomes excessive- too much force is used, and strength can become aggression. The result is an assertive stance against the world - “the best defence is an offence”.

The next twist is that this distortion blocks the Eight to their own sensitive heart. The need to be strong and in control makes it dangerous to be vulnerable. Now their softer feelings are seen as weak and become taboo- they are forbidden and defended against internally. Outwardly, the Eight dislikes what feels like “wishy washy” weakness in others. They usually retain a tender center that trusted loved ones are allowed to see and that they may express when they feel safe - this is why Eights are sometimes said to have a “big teddy bear” inside.

The core painful feeling of Eights is reflected in the Unconscious Childhood Message “It's not ok to be vulnerable or to trust anyone”- and in the Lost Childhood Message “You will not be betrayed”.

Eights have a pushy Inner Critic that requires them to always be strong and in control - a relentless inner voice that pumps them up and rewards them for being powerful. The Inner Critic message for Eight is“I’m good or ok if I am strong and in control of my situation”.

So, the personality becomes organized around the missing fairness in the use of power in the world, the sense of betrayal and injustice, the belief that it is not safe to be vulnerable– a structure based on needing to be strong and in control.

The Eight is “after” autonomy and tries to get it by being assertive- how does this work? This is a direct strategy based on exerting their power to control their world and their circumstances. Eights want to be in charge of their life and their destiny, they want to be masters of their own fate. They will use their strength to be leaders, challenge injustice and protect the underdog, so it is not all about getting their own way. But they will respond to any challenge by increasing their assertiveness.

The issue around power for the Eight is that they can resort to excessive force and believe they must always be “the Boss”. They may agree with the motto “my way or the highway”. To maintain control, to be in charge, they will not show weakness. Eventually they can lose touch with their own vulnerability and tender feelings.

Another way of understanding this strategy of the Eight is to recall that they are in the Instinctual or Gut Center of Intelligence with Anger underneath. So they are trying to get autonomy by using their instinctual power or force. Eights are aware of their anger and don’t mind expressing it. Asserting themselves is a sort of “throwing their weight around” that feels like bodily strength.